The Rules of Cycle Club

Yay! We’ve finally started our very own exclusive riding club, called…Cycle Club! Now only the best of the best will be allowed to join us on our cycling runs. We’ll do all sorts of cool group things, like getting uniforms, tattoos – the works!

I’ve decided that since we are now an elite group, we will obviously need some rules. And given that I’m the leader of the group, I’ve decided to take Brad Pitt’s speech in the film adaptation of Chuck Palahniuk’s novel, Fight Club, and adapt it to our organisation.


The first rule of Cycle Club is that you do not talk about Cycle Club.

The second rule of Cycle Club is that you DO NOT talk about Cycle Club. This is a prestigious club; we don’t want every John, Kim or Travis here.

The third rule of Cycle Club states that if someone falls down or is injured, you must assist them, unless you are 500 metres from the finish line.

The fourth rule of Cycle Club states that a race is to be contested by as many cyclists as possible. To be the best, you have to beat the best.

The fifth rule of Cycle Club is that there is only one race at a time. Please leave petty rivalries for the cretins, known as road cyclists.

The sixth rule of Cycle Club says that you must wear regulation spandex and team shirts. We are soldiers, people. Get with the programme!

The seventh rule of Cycle Club states that races will take place whenever necessary. Who cares about insignificant things, such as work or family?

The eighth and final rule of Cycle Club is that you have to ride. No excuses will be accepted.



If you see a whole bunch of cyclists pass you by, get out the way, because Project Spandex is in full effect!

Ricky in Spandex

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4 thoughts on “The Rules of Cycle Club

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