Days of our Mountain Bikes Part 36

Like the monkeys at Sun City, so are the days of our mountain bikes…

In today’s season finale of Days of our Mountain Bikes titled ‘Omega’, Mike, Tobias, Whitney, Diana and Hel-Met find themselves in a dark, spooky room with no light or air conditioning.

Tobias looks around for an exit, but all the windows have been sealed shut. Nobody understands what’s happening and they all stare at each other blankly.

Suddenly, a white light shines from the rafters and a voice speaks, “I am the giant bike in the sky and you are all at my mercy! Repent now, for your fate is unknown!”

And with that, a blinding white light grows stronger and stronger as they all…disappear.

*Enter cheap 80s theme song*

What will happen next in the Days of our Mountain Bikes?

*Does the number 36 mean anything?*

Wendy The Mom

Days of our Mountain Bikes Part 35

Like the dreadful penalty-taking from Michael Carrick, so are the days of our mountain bikes…

In today’s episode of Days of our Mountain Bikes titled ‘It’s coming’, SexyShorts66 doesn’t come online for weeks, when suddenly, out of the blue, she pops up on the laptop screen and asks Mike to meet her at a secret location. Mike is reluctant at first, but when she tells him that she has an MTB gift for him, he agrees. Is this a trap?

There is still no sign of Tobias and Whitney – it seems like they’ve vanished from the earth or have they?

Diana fights off Petro with a heavy elbow to his stomach. Out of nowhere, Sanchez runs out and tackles Petro, he turns to Diana and says, “Grab Hel-Met and run! Hide in any dark building!” Diana does as she’s told and grabs her adopted son, and they run for their lives as Petro and Sanchez fight to the death. Will they be safe and what will happen to Sanchez and Petro?

*Enter cheap 80s theme song*

Stay tuned to what happens next in the Days of our Mountain Bikes!

*Enter the corny ad for beer*

Wendy The Mom

Days of our Mountain Bikes Part 34

Like the epic brain-drain that the world seems to be suffering, so are the days of our mountain bikes…

In today’s episode of Days of our Mountain Bikes titled ‘Foetal Fears’, Mike tells SexyShorts66 that he’s reluctant about attending church with her, because he’s only true religion is his constant adventures on two wheels. SexyShorts66 blasts him by saying, “Leader does not appreciate blasphemy. Be careful Mike, for you may have just unleashed your own private hell.” SexyShorts66 is now offline. Will Mike change his mind?

The hillbillies burn down Tobias and Whitney’s home. When they go inside to find the carcasses, they are surprised by a completely empty house. There is nothing or no one inside! What could’ve happened to Tobias and Whitney?

Trying to overcome post-wheel depression, Hel-Met gets back on his bike. Alas he can’t go any further and he collapses into a foetal position, surrounded by a puddle of tears. Diana tries to assure him that everything will be okay and that Petro is a million miles away from them. But as she says that, Petro quickly jumps out the shadows and puts his hand over Diana’s mouth, muffling her screams. What will Petro do to Diana and Hel-Met? 

*Enter cheap 80s theme song*

Stay tuned to what happens next in the Days of our Mountain Bikes!

*Enter the terrible mascot for the FIFA World Cup*

Wendy The Mom

Days of our Mountain Bikes Part 33

Like the weird, conniving ways of politicians, so are the days of our mountain bikes…

In today’s episode of Days of our Mountain Bikes titled ‘Cultnomics’, Mike continues to chat to SexyShorts66, who always talks about a strange church that she attends. She tells Mike that he should attend a service, because it’s a really amazing experience to see all the people chanting and doing what their ‘leader’ tells them. Will Mike go to this ‘new church’ and find the leader?

Tobias puts on his old cycling gear as a disguise and spray-paints the town hall with the words: ‘Love never dies, but inbreeders will!’ The hillbillies go nuts when they see the desecration – immediately assuming it was Tobias. They grab their pitchforks and torches, and head towards Tobias and Whitney’s home. Is this the end for Tobias and Whitney?

The nightmares don’t stop for little Hel-Met and Diana decides to take him to see a psychologist. The shrink tells them that Hel-Met is suffering from post-wheel depression – it’s a new disease that happens to burnt-out riders. The only cure is for Hel-Met to get back on his bike again and conquer his demons. Will Hel-Met be able to overcome post-wheel depression and the lurking shadow that reminds him of Petro?

*Enter cheap 80s theme song*

Stay tuned to what happens next in the Days of our Mountain Bikes!

*Enter the crap new Ninja Turtles cartoons*

Wendy The Mom

Days of our Mountain Bikes Part 32

Like the bad ways you can choose to end a story, so are the days of our mountain bikes…

In today’s episode of Days of our Mountain Bikes titled ‘I heard you through the telephone’, Mike joins an online cycling networking site, where he meets a woman named SexyShorts66. They immediately hit it off online, chatting about the same interests and having a great fun time getting to know each other. Will SexyShorts66 turn out to be Mike’s new love?

Tobias and Whitney’s marriage is delayed after the town’s hillbillies set fire to their barn. Tobias knows that this is a message from the town that they don’t want strangers there. Will Tobias and Whitney run or will they stay and fight against the inbreeders?

Hel-Met enjoys watching the Tour de France and even manages to get some cycling tips from winner Alberto Contador. He feels content, but can’t help cringe every time he sees a shadow that reminds him of Petro. Is Hel-Met really, really safe?

*Enter cheap 80s theme song*

Stay tuned to what happens next in the Days of our Mountain Bikes!

*Enter images of municipal workers kicking over dustbins which they’ll have to clean up later anyways*

Wendy The Mom

Days of our Mountain Bikes Part 31

Like the self-implosion of egos that Real Madrid and Man City will suffer this season, so are the days of our mountain bikes…

In today’s episode of Days of our Mountain Bikes titled ‘Till the law do us part’, Mike attends Julia’s funeral and leaves a rose bent into the shape of a mountain bike on her grave. He begins to cry before he sees her ghost (yes, Mike experiences many paranormal incidents). Julia’s ghost tells him, “Go forth my love. Find a new cycling partner that’ll love and treasure you”. Will Mike heed the advice from her ghost?

Tobias and Whitney arrive in the USA ready to get married and start fresh. However, once they move into their little home, they have the unwanted attention from all the snoopy old ladies in the town. It seems like the old ladies are more concerned that they’re living together as an unmarried couple than them being father and daughter. Will this unwanted attention prompt Tobias and Whitney to move quickly and get married?

Diana runs away with Hel-Met in the early hours of the morning. She can’t bear to see Petro cause more harm on her adopted son. They quickly board a plane to France, where they plan to catch the end of the Tour de France race and throw sticks into the path of the cyclists. Will Petro follow them or is Hel-Met finally safe?

*Enter cheap 80s theme song*

Stay tuned to what happens next in the Days of our Mountain Bikes!

*Enter the awesome trailer for Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland*

Wendy The Mom