Days of our Mountain Bikes Part 36

Like the monkeys at Sun City, so are the days of our mountain bikes…

In today’s season finale of Days of our Mountain Bikes titled ‘Omega’, Mike, Tobias, Whitney, Diana and Hel-Met find themselves in a dark, spooky room with no light or air conditioning.

Tobias looks around for an exit, but all the windows have been sealed shut. Nobody understands what’s happening and they all stare at each other blankly.

Suddenly, a white light shines from the rafters and a voice speaks, “I am the giant bike in the sky and you are all at my mercy! Repent now, for your fate is unknown!”

And with that, a blinding white light grows stronger and stronger as they all…disappear.

*Enter cheap 80s theme song*

What will happen next in the Days of our Mountain Bikes?

*Does the number 36 mean anything?*

Wendy The Mom

Little Girls!

Peeps, I’m telling you that most road cyclists and organisers behave like little girls!

I just read the news that Tour de Spain director Javier Guillen said that Alberto Contador’s absence will not noticed at this year’s event. Is this guy freaking nuts or drinking too much tequila?

Contador is the Tour de France winner! That means he’s the most bankable rider and cycling personality in the world right now – of course he’ll be missed.

Maybe Guillen will retract his statement when he notices how fewer people attend this year’s event because of Contador’s absence.

Crazy road cyclists and fanatics – probably been inhaling too many exhaust fumes!

Marky Mark

Not for the faint hearted!

Alright, I have just been set the craziest challenge of all time. Fred has challenged me to do an MTB trail on a Nimbus Unicycle! Yes, you read that correctly – a unicycle.


I’m going to be honest – I’ve never ridden a unicycle in my life! But I have seen guys faceplant the pavement with these things. Possibly doing an MTB trail, may just be cycling suicide.

Bah! A few broken bones or scratches – I’m not scared :) A little bit of stunt riding never killed anyone – Well, I hope!

No handlebars. No brakes. No seat. If anyone can do it, it’s your friendly neighbourhood Bandaged Jack!

Bandaged Jack

Midweek Cycling Jokes


I’ve found some great gems to put a smile on all your faces. Forget the fact that it’s Wednesday and laugh like you don’t have a care in the world hehe…hope you enjoy them.

Cycling Dog
“I’ve really had it with my dog,” said the first guy to his neighbor. “He’ll chase anyone on a bicycle”

“Hmmm, that is a problem,” said the neighbor. “What are you thinking of doing about it?”

“Guess the only answer is to confiscate his bike!”

Pedestrian and the cyclist
A pedestrian stepped off the curb and into the road without looking one day and promptly gets knocked flat by a passing cyclist.

“You were really lucky there,” said the cyclist.

“What on earth are you talking about! That really hurt!” said the pedestrian, still on the pavement, rubbing his head.

“Well, usually I drive a bus!” the cyclist replied.

Jack and Jill
Jack and Jill have just climbed Le Alp de Huez, one of the steepest peaks in the Alps on their tandem.

“Phew, that was a tough climb” said Jack, leaning over, breathing hard. “That climb was so hard, and we were going so slow, I thought we were never going to make it.”

“Yeah, good thing I kept the brakes on,” said Jill, “or we’d have slid all the way back down!”

Marky Mark

How to ride in a Skirt

I found this post yesterday and it’s utterly hilarious. I had to post it on MTB Shorts!

Tutorial on how to ride in a skirt:
Many women are scared to ride in a skirt. What if the wind blows wrong? What do you do when you’re going fast downhill? What if your bike isn’t a step through (which, by the way, neither mine nor Anna’s are)? Here are the tips and tricks for maintaining your dignity whilst wearing the skirt and enjoying your ride.

1. Pick your skirt- pencil skirts are never a good idea on a bike with no step through. You are looking at your skirt riding up and constantly pulling and tugging. A-lines, looser cotton skirts and mini skirts are best. Long skirts work if you have a skirt guard and chain guard (which I don’t). Dresses are also a great idea because you are not worrying about the back riding up too much and showing rear end cleavage (the worst kind of cleavage).

2. How to get on the bike-this is assuming you are riding a regular bike with no fancy step through. Step one: stand to the side of the bike. Step two: squeeze your knees together. Step three: lift your leg, keeping your knees as close together as you can. Standing on your tip toes is also a big help. You can give yourself extra protection by holding the centre of the skirt down. Step four: at this point, you should be straddling the bike. In order to keep the skirt down it is best to put one foot up on a pedal. Tilt the bike a bit and you are good to go. Do this all in reverse to get off gracefully.

3. Riding in a skirt-ride as normal, keeping your legs close to the bike (something you should be doing anyway) and keeping one leg down while the other is up during coasting moments. For going downhill, I find that standing up keeps the wind from making you less than modest.

4. Leggings or shorts really help-I will wear a pair of leggings or cycling shorts if I am going a very long distance or am at all uncomfortable. This keeps you covered AND allows the fabric to slide up nicely as opposed to bunching up and riding up uncontrollably. Also-no thongs. This is just asking for trouble. Not to mention, unsanitary. Ick…

5. Have fun-sometimes you will flash. It is inevitable. When that happens, throw your head back and laugh. It really is quite funny! Also remember that with all the biking you are doing, your legs probably look amazing so flaunt them.

This post was originally from bikeskirt.blogspot.com. You should also check www.bikeskirt.com, they have some really funny stuff online.  Enjoy my pretties!

Wendy The Mom

Rachel Atherton is out until 2010!

Wow, how things change so fast! Just last year, Rachel Atherton was on top of the world after winning the dowhill world championship in Italy. This year, she’s spent the entire season healing after her collision with a pick-up truck during a training session (Pick-up truck 1 Atherton 0).

The crash forced her to undergo surgery on her shoulder in May, but it’s still too unstable for her to race and she needs more time to build up the supporting muscles. 

Atherton has said that she is disappointed to miss the season and only wanted more success after last year, but acknowledges that she’ll have to wait until 2010 to get back on the bike.

We’re holding thumbs for you, girl. Come back stronger than before and show these other riders how a champion does it!

You can follow the Atherton family with the latest reality tv-type episode.

Have you ever suffered an injury that made you believe your time was up?

Wendy The Mom

Days of our Mountain Bikes Part 35

Like the dreadful penalty-taking from Michael Carrick, so are the days of our mountain bikes…

In today’s episode of Days of our Mountain Bikes titled ‘It’s coming’, SexyShorts66 doesn’t come online for weeks, when suddenly, out of the blue, she pops up on the laptop screen and asks Mike to meet her at a secret location. Mike is reluctant at first, but when she tells him that she has an MTB gift for him, he agrees. Is this a trap?

There is still no sign of Tobias and Whitney – it seems like they’ve vanished from the earth or have they?

Diana fights off Petro with a heavy elbow to his stomach. Out of nowhere, Sanchez runs out and tackles Petro, he turns to Diana and says, “Grab Hel-Met and run! Hide in any dark building!” Diana does as she’s told and grabs her adopted son, and they run for their lives as Petro and Sanchez fight to the death. Will they be safe and what will happen to Sanchez and Petro?

*Enter cheap 80s theme song*

Stay tuned to what happens next in the Days of our Mountain Bikes!

*Enter the corny ad for beer*

Wendy The Mom

A real interview with Sergio Pereira

MTB Shorts decided to finally conduct a REAL interview! We managed to get hold of up-and-coming writer and journalist Sergio Pereira and find out his views on MTB!

Mark: Hi Sergio, thank you so much for taking some time out to chat to MTB Shorts.
Sergio: It’s only a pleasure, Mark. Thanks for the opportunity.

Mark: So Sergio, how involved are you in the MTB scene?
Sergio: To tell the truth, I’m not an active cyclist or a full-time “cycling writer”, but I’ve actually done quite a few articles on MTB and it’s actually been very interesting. It’s completely different from your typical soccer, rugby and cricket articles – it’s more about fitness and strategy, than actual personalities.

Mark: Yes, that’s very true. MTB is a completely new ballgame. Have you ever been to an MTB event?
Sergio: Yes, I have. I’ve actually been to quite a few Northern Farm events and even managed to get lost on the course a couple of times haha.

Mark: Oh we’ve gotten lost there so many times! Tell us what have you been writing lately?
Sergio: I’ve completed a couple of articles for DESTINY MAN magazine, which I think is on sale today, and I’ve just finished an interview with an Australian band, HorrorWood Mannequins, for Music Review. Besides that, I’ve just finished writing my second book. I write way too much haha.

Mark: Thanks for your time, Sergio. How can our readers get hold of you, if they need some writing done or want to see some of your work?
Sergio: They can follow me on Twitter at www.twitter.com/scpereira and they can drop me a mail at skullandtones@hotmail.com. Once again, thanks for this opportunity and keep up with the entertaining MTB Shorts posts.  

Marky Mark

Custody Battle

I had the biggest chuckle yesterday as I read the news about Tour de France winner, Alberto Contador.

Recently, Contador has been getting some rather fruitful offers from rival teams, which has prompted him to come out and say he’d like to start afresh and with a new challenge.

However, his team Astana has warned any potential suitors that he will have to honour his contract until the end of 2010 and they won’t allow him to leave until then.

Man, this sounds a friend’s recent divorce. Him and his ex wife fought for months in court over their son Barry. Barry wanted to live with his dad, but his mom wanted him to live with her. It all ended up in court and it was such an ugly experience for the poor boy to endure.

Maybe Contador is a little like Barry in this situation. I expect plenty of tears and drama soon. Damn road cycling hehehe

Bandaged Jack

Parody Interview with John Cena

MTB Shorts got some real muscle in today’s post, because we’re interviewing wrestling superstar, John Cena*

Mark: Hi John, thank you so much for chatting to MTB Shorts.
John: Cool, cool. Thanks for having me around to discuss some cyclenomics!

Mark: Cyclenomics…interesting word. So how did you get into mountain biking?
John: I always used to ride my bike to school and eventually decided to become a member of the chain gang when I had spare time over the weekends, in between pumping iron and rapping with Vanilla Ice.

Mark: Do any of the other superstars do MTBing?
John: No ways! Those guys are always on the injured list. If they just see a bike near them, they freak and drop to the floor calling for the EMTs.

Mark: But if the other superstars did join you on the track one day, what would you do?
John: I’d give them an attitude adjustment with a little bit of a 5km shuffle and then taunt them by waving my hand in front of my face and saying ‘you can’t see me’!

Mark: Thanks for your time, John. Good luck for your future battles ahead.
John: It’s ah-right. I’ll be seeing you at Summerslam in…

*I cut him off. I’m tired of wrestlers always promoting the next big PPV event*

*This interview is entirely false, because we all know that John Cena is busy putting on his makeup for Monday Night Raw right now

Marky Mark