Mark: Hi Ronaldo, thank you so much for taking the time to chat to MTB Shorts.
CR7: It’s okay. My club will pay me a large amount of money for this appearance, so I don’t mind.
Mark: Firstly, let me say that you had another great season, only just losing out the Champions League to a fantastic Barcelona team.
CR7: No. I had a terrible season. I crashed my Ferrari and there weren’t as many women around as last year! And then that little midget scored against us in the final – I’m not happy.
Mark: Uh…okay. Well, moving on to MTB then. Do you really ride? I mean as a soccer player, you can’t really afford to have accidents if you fall off your bike?
CR7: It’s fine. If I fall down, I just ask for a free-kick.
*I snickered a bit there*
Mark: Well, who’s your favourite cycling partner?
CR7: Dimitar Berbatov. We never break a sweat when we exercise together.
Mark: Final question, will you be moving to Real Madrid next season?
CR7: Depends. I work five hours a week; shop six times a day; have to buy my new Ferrari and Bentley; attend the biggest parties in the world; decide between a new house in Miami or one in Hawaii; and maybe find a new model girlfriend. The pressure is intense – I need a holiday to make my mind up.
*This interview is entirely false, because we all know that Cristiano Ronaldo hates team sports.