Interview with Tom Cruise

After Mark’s recent interview with Homer Simpson, I decided to reach out to Hollywood and organise an interview with everyone’s favourite nutter, Tom Cruise*

Tom Cruise

Tom Cruise

Wendy: Hi Tom, thanks for giving MTB Shorts your valuable time. How are you doing today?
Tom: I’m absolutely fantastic, whoop whoop, I’m fantastic!

(Tom begins to climb upon our suede sofa)

Wendy: Get the hell off my couch! You know how long it takes to clean this thing?!
Tom: Err…sorry. Just thought you wouldn’t mind, like Oprah.

Wendy: Well I do mind…Anyways, moving along. Do you have an active interest in mountain biking?
Tom: Oh, I love MTB. I love MTB.

Wendy: Why do you repeat yourself so much?
Tom: Brainwash, brainwash. Absolutely not *laughs*

(Tom is beginning to weird me out)

Wendy: Um ok, have you ever spent anytime on the track over the weekends?
Tom: Actually…no. But I really admire these people that get on their bikes every weekend and just – you know –sweat for no good reason. It’s the truth, right?

Wendy: You can’t handle the truth! It’s a form of exercise, Tom. People generally sweat when they exercise.
Tom: Really? Wow, this is fascinating. The spiritual connection your body makes when it releases water must be quite liberating.

Thank you for your time, Tom.
Tom: But wait, I wasn’t finished yet. You didn’t ask me about Top Gun 2?

(I quickly run to the nearest exit)

*This interview is entirely false, because we all know that Tom Cruise is a flight risk and we couldn’t bring him over to South Africa.

Wendy The Mom

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