Not for the faint hearted!

Alright, I have just been set the craziest challenge of all time. Fred has challenged me to do an MTB trail on a Nimbus Unicycle! Yes, you read that correctly – a unicycle.


I’m going to be honest – I’ve never ridden a unicycle in my life! But I have seen guys faceplant the pavement with these things. Possibly doing an MTB trail, may just be cycling suicide.

Bah! A few broken bones or scratches – I’m not scared :) A little bit of stunt riding never killed anyone – Well, I hope!

No handlebars. No brakes. No seat. If anyone can do it, it’s your friendly neighbourhood Bandaged Jack!

Bandaged Jack

Midweek Cycling Jokes


I’ve found some great gems to put a smile on all your faces. Forget the fact that it’s Wednesday and laugh like you don’t have a care in the world hehe…hope you enjoy them.

Cycling Dog
“I’ve really had it with my dog,” said the first guy to his neighbor. “He’ll chase anyone on a bicycle”

“Hmmm, that is a problem,” said the neighbor. “What are you thinking of doing about it?”

“Guess the only answer is to confiscate his bike!”

Pedestrian and the cyclist
A pedestrian stepped off the curb and into the road without looking one day and promptly gets knocked flat by a passing cyclist.

“You were really lucky there,” said the cyclist.

“What on earth are you talking about! That really hurt!” said the pedestrian, still on the pavement, rubbing his head.

“Well, usually I drive a bus!” the cyclist replied.

Jack and Jill
Jack and Jill have just climbed Le Alp de Huez, one of the steepest peaks in the Alps on their tandem.

“Phew, that was a tough climb” said Jack, leaning over, breathing hard. “That climb was so hard, and we were going so slow, I thought we were never going to make it.”

“Yeah, good thing I kept the brakes on,” said Jill, “or we’d have slid all the way back down!”

Marky Mark

How to ride in a Skirt

I found this post yesterday and it’s utterly hilarious. I had to post it on MTB Shorts!

Tutorial on how to ride in a skirt:
Many women are scared to ride in a skirt. What if the wind blows wrong? What do you do when you’re going fast downhill? What if your bike isn’t a step through (which, by the way, neither mine nor Anna’s are)? Here are the tips and tricks for maintaining your dignity whilst wearing the skirt and enjoying your ride.

1. Pick your skirt- pencil skirts are never a good idea on a bike with no step through. You are looking at your skirt riding up and constantly pulling and tugging. A-lines, looser cotton skirts and mini skirts are best. Long skirts work if you have a skirt guard and chain guard (which I don’t). Dresses are also a great idea because you are not worrying about the back riding up too much and showing rear end cleavage (the worst kind of cleavage).

2. How to get on the bike-this is assuming you are riding a regular bike with no fancy step through. Step one: stand to the side of the bike. Step two: squeeze your knees together. Step three: lift your leg, keeping your knees as close together as you can. Standing on your tip toes is also a big help. You can give yourself extra protection by holding the centre of the skirt down. Step four: at this point, you should be straddling the bike. In order to keep the skirt down it is best to put one foot up on a pedal. Tilt the bike a bit and you are good to go. Do this all in reverse to get off gracefully.

3. Riding in a skirt-ride as normal, keeping your legs close to the bike (something you should be doing anyway) and keeping one leg down while the other is up during coasting moments. For going downhill, I find that standing up keeps the wind from making you less than modest.

4. Leggings or shorts really help-I will wear a pair of leggings or cycling shorts if I am going a very long distance or am at all uncomfortable. This keeps you covered AND allows the fabric to slide up nicely as opposed to bunching up and riding up uncontrollably. Also-no thongs. This is just asking for trouble. Not to mention, unsanitary. Ick…

5. Have fun-sometimes you will flash. It is inevitable. When that happens, throw your head back and laugh. It really is quite funny! Also remember that with all the biking you are doing, your legs probably look amazing so flaunt them.

This post was originally from bikeskirt.blogspot.com. You should also check www.bikeskirt.com, they have some really funny stuff online.  Enjoy my pretties!

Wendy The Mom

A real interview with Sergio Pereira

MTB Shorts decided to finally conduct a REAL interview! We managed to get hold of up-and-coming writer and journalist Sergio Pereira and find out his views on MTB!

Mark: Hi Sergio, thank you so much for taking some time out to chat to MTB Shorts.
Sergio: It’s only a pleasure, Mark. Thanks for the opportunity.

Mark: So Sergio, how involved are you in the MTB scene?
Sergio: To tell the truth, I’m not an active cyclist or a full-time “cycling writer”, but I’ve actually done quite a few articles on MTB and it’s actually been very interesting. It’s completely different from your typical soccer, rugby and cricket articles – it’s more about fitness and strategy, than actual personalities.

Mark: Yes, that’s very true. MTB is a completely new ballgame. Have you ever been to an MTB event?
Sergio: Yes, I have. I’ve actually been to quite a few Northern Farm events and even managed to get lost on the course a couple of times haha.

Mark: Oh we’ve gotten lost there so many times! Tell us what have you been writing lately?
Sergio: I’ve completed a couple of articles for DESTINY MAN magazine, which I think is on sale today, and I’ve just finished an interview with an Australian band, HorrorWood Mannequins, for Music Review. Besides that, I’ve just finished writing my second book. I write way too much haha.

Mark: Thanks for your time, Sergio. How can our readers get hold of you, if they need some writing done or want to see some of your work?
Sergio: They can follow me on Twitter at www.twitter.com/scpereira and they can drop me a mail at skullandtones@hotmail.com. Once again, thanks for this opportunity and keep up with the entertaining MTB Shorts posts.  

Marky Mark

Parody Interview with John Cena

MTB Shorts got some real muscle in today’s post, because we’re interviewing wrestling superstar, John Cena*

Mark: Hi John, thank you so much for chatting to MTB Shorts.
John: Cool, cool. Thanks for having me around to discuss some cyclenomics!

Mark: Cyclenomics…interesting word. So how did you get into mountain biking?
John: I always used to ride my bike to school and eventually decided to become a member of the chain gang when I had spare time over the weekends, in between pumping iron and rapping with Vanilla Ice.

Mark: Do any of the other superstars do MTBing?
John: No ways! Those guys are always on the injured list. If they just see a bike near them, they freak and drop to the floor calling for the EMTs.

Mark: But if the other superstars did join you on the track one day, what would you do?
John: I’d give them an attitude adjustment with a little bit of a 5km shuffle and then taunt them by waving my hand in front of my face and saying ‘you can’t see me’!

Mark: Thanks for your time, John. Good luck for your future battles ahead.
John: It’s ah-right. I’ll be seeing you at Summerslam in…

*I cut him off. I’m tired of wrestlers always promoting the next big PPV event*

*This interview is entirely false, because we all know that John Cena is busy putting on his makeup for Monday Night Raw right now

Marky Mark

Charity Rocks!

I’m really impressed with Christoph Sauser! Not only is he a world champion cyclist, but he’s also got a heart of gold!

Bike Pure is auctioning off a signed rainbow jersey of Christoph Sauser for the Songo.info charity, which the rider has officially backed for the last couple of years.

This local charity aims to support the children of Kayamandi via sport and education, and try keep them away from a path of drugs and crime.

The rainbow jersey aka The World Championship jersey, was won in June 2008 in Val di Sole, Italy. It has spent the past year travelling on display as a symbol of Bike Pure’s efforts to promote clean, doping-free cycling.

The autographed jersey is framed (93 x 71 cm) and includes a caption which reads “Christoph Sauser (Team Specialized), 2008 World Mountain Bike Champion to Bike Pure”

To participate in the auction, click here. Hurry though, as it ends on the 17th August 2009!

Ricky in Spandex

Build a relationship with your cycle shop

Last week, Fred stupidly reversed over his bike while it was in the garage. Just imagine this: a huge Hummer vs. a tiny Merida bike…the winner is very obvious. Anyhow, Fred was rather upset about it because we had our annual ‘best friends’ race on Saturday, and at this stage, his bike was beyond repair – it looked more like a Transformer robot stuck in a sad morphing stage! 

After wiping the tears from his eyes and the snot from his lip, he took out the phone and called his local cycling shop. In an unexpected turn in the Era of Bad Customer Service, the store managed to organise him a similar bike (and set up too) in just 24 hours! Fred couldn’t believe the amount of effort the guys put into helping him and in such record time.

Needless to say, Fred managed to make the event and even grabbed second place, just a couple of seconds behind me…the champion!

Kids, the moral of the story is that connections are really important. Remember these key points which will help you build a better rapport with your cycling shop:

  • Visit regularly, even if it’s just to buy a magazine or stupid accessories for your bike.
  • Make sure they know about your set up.
  • Ask for their advice.
  • Support them. At the end of the day, one hand washes the other. 
  • Friendliness goes a long way!

Bandaged Jack

Trans Baviaans Story Part 2

Some mad-cap friends, a hit-and-miss 10-week training programme, a crash-course in racing in the dark, and a sense of humour is enough ammunition to tackle the Trans Baviaans 24-hour mountain bike challenge, as rookie rider Neill Erickson shares …

 

RACE DAY – 18 August

 

A buzz of nervous anticipation was felt in the breakfast hall and then it was down to the start area to take the bags to the trucks, where the local brass band was leading the drummies.

 

And then we were off, about 450 mad riders with 224km’s to go!

 

The aim was to slipstream the bunch until the 1st stop. The pace was fast.  After about 30km the groups had spread a bit and the tempo and heart rate eased slightly.

 

After a brisk 23.5km/h average, we were at the first check point – 50km. Two minutes later, off again but now on our own – the field had split up.

 

This section of road is very corrugated and a bit tedious. Occasionally teams caught us and the urge was to climb in behind but we thought it best not burn ourselves out. After a further 25km, we took a short planned stop to get the butt off the saddle and access some food.

 

Yes food, now this was scientific. The heart monitor was set to alarm every 20min to remind us to eat and drink – it’s essential to prevent dehydration or bonking. The science went like this. A jelly baby takes 20min to suck (and keeps the throat moist) so a stage of 2.5 hrs = 7JB’s + pieces of dried mango & few roasted salted mixed nuts per ½ hr and a baby potato. The juice in the camel pack contained all the electrolytes and list of other stuff which you needed a year’s med school study to understand. We also carried some energy bars and gels, just in case.

 

In this area the farming communities sporadically lined the route to give us support. We would move to the side of the road, put our hands out and have a moving hi-5 with the kids. One of the highlights of the ride was the uninhibited squeal of delight as I stooped particularly low to include a tiny girl at the end of a 7 kid line up.

 

The next stop and check point was Geelhoutbos after 107km and almost 5hrs of cycling. Our first PnP bag to refill food and drink was much needed as we’d run out of juice. I grabbed a delicious chocolate muffin, took a short stretch and then went off again.

 

This is where the beauty and fun part of the route started – water crossing and mountains. We had completed half the distance and I had my only energy gel of the ride, so I attacked the pass taking timeout at the top to appreciate the awesome beauty and to regroup.  Mike got his smile back on the 275m descent over 6km – heaps of fun (max 72 km/h). This stage, although only 18km took 01h19 and got us to Doornkraal at roughly 16h00.

 

We were going better than expected and 1 hour ahead of schedule and decided to stop longer than planned – by this time the muscles knew they were on more than a casual outing. Here we stopped to put on lights & get some warmer clothes and food. And so with stomachs full and smiles on our faces the next stage awaited – the 2 fangs (short steep climbs) and the Bergplaas mountain – a 480m climb over 10km.

 

Imagine this setting: no-one else in sight as we quietly made our way through buffalo and rhino territory in the late afternoon shadows with the surrounding mountains displaying the ever changing sunset moods – what a privilege! We were now probably half way time wise. Not wanting to be heroes, when the going got tough, we got off and pushed, but still cycled most of Bergplaas. We reached the top as the sky was burning in a display of red and orange rays reaching from behind the silhouetted undulating depth of mountains – awesome!

 

But there was still another 2km of gradual grind till the summit. The lights came into play as the light show behind us disappeared and left nothing besides your breathing and a patch of LED illuminated road. We had entered into the next phase – night riding.

 

Bergplaas was the major stop. Warm soup and rolls and a mass of bikes and riders all vying for a share of the scarce available dim light. I had my own bag for all my paraphernalia. Picture this – wet shoes stuffed with newspaper, dry socks, shoe covers, cotton tights to go over the cycling leg warmers, windbreaker (to go over the 3 layers already worn), balaclava, full finger gloves (to go under existing cycle gloves), and not forgetting one helmet with 20W downlighter and 12V battery plus makeshift fastening device which I decided to take along after all – for the Bergplaas decent. Due to detailed planning & well rehearsed activities this entire stop took only 3.5 minutes – NOT – I’m amazed we only took 35 minutes!  

 

Lights blazing, we set off like chokka boats in a sea of absolute darkness, and gathered a following of about 8. Tjaart’s lights were reasonable, so I told Mike to stay next to me as his lights were not great. Now there is a 2km slight descent until the start of the 5km hectic descent, which has a rutted surface, tight turns and no barriers to prevent certain death if you happen to go off the sheer edges. Here’s the twist, because all vehicles stay clear of the edge, this is the smoothest ride – how’s that for tempting? This was the absolute and uncontested highlight of the entire event. Whooping and hollering in delight as we cranked it down a pitch black Bergplaas on the edge at 40+km/h.

 

In less than no time the entourage, including Tjaart, disappeared and our unison screams of delight echoed in the still valley night. Regrouped at the bottom and headed for Komdomo, our next stop.

 

The reception at Komdomo was fantastic – also another highlight. Family and others making us feel like we were heroes and had just won. Well 174km is something to get excited about, it was already the furtherest single distance any of us had cycled. Some hot, hot chocolate, a concoction energy drink, specially requested chicken bun, stretching and 40min later we were like Willy Nelson – on the road again.

 

After a short 3km tar section reprieve we encountered the next challenge – the 17km long “never-ender”. After sitting for 180km on a small saddle, you want to stand once in a while to relieve the butt pressure, and stretch the calf muscles, but you had to peddle to keep moving and the legs were not keen to stand and peddle.

 

We saw 2 cyclists at a Y-junction stopped ahead. They had waited for us and were studying the instruction book (which we had mistakenly left in the car at Willowmore) because not only was this a physical and endurance challenge, it also entailed orienteering from the book. I could spend the next page telling you about how we decided not to follow the disappearing cyclists ahead and take a left fork. Suffice is to say when we saw the checkpoint lights, we let out screams of delight and relief!

 

A little nibble and we were off again, teamed up with the two cyclists and their book. Only 22km to go – we were almost there! Through farm gates, down a steep overgrown farm track to an unmanned self check in point, over a marshy drift, then up a steep hill – we had to push near the top. Then there were J-Bays lights in the distance. Mike warned that it wasn’t over till the fat lady sung. We carried on cycling and J-bay stayed in the distance. This is what spinning class prepared us for – peddling yourself silly but going nowhere.

 

We dipped slightly, the lights disappeared and a wide, proper dirt road appeared. Going along on autopilot, Tjaart and I suddenly wiped out in mud patch. Here we were on a dark deserted road 10 or so km’s from the end at 1 o’clock in the morning and we had our first drama – It really wasn’t over till the champagne cork popped!

 

At 01h17, we reached the end and still felt strong. The three of us came in together to cheers from our wives, clapping from the small crowd and our team IMCOR as our names were announced over the PA system.

 

15 hours and 17 min / 73rd out of 133 finishing teams / very chuffed with ourselves.

 

My wife now sleeps with an ultra athlete.

Click here for part 1

Trans Baviaans Story Part 1

Some mad-cap friends, a hit-and-miss 10-week training programme, a crash-course in racing in the dark, and a sense of humour is enough ammunition to tackle the Trans Baviaans 24-hour mountain bike challenge, as rookie rider Neill Erickson shares …

 

It all started at the beginning of June last year with a call from an old squash mate of mine, Tjaart Pretorius. He asked me if I was up for a challenge – the 24 hour, 240km Trans-Baviaans Mountain Bike race.  What? Was he crazy? There wasn’t enough time to train I thought. However, after some convincing, I finally committed.

 

We had 10 weeks to race day.

 

On our 1st Saturday cycle, I mentioned to Tjaart that another mate, Mike Armstrong (Mike – not Lance!) was also keen to do the race, and finally our three member team was established. I joined a gym for 3 months, and went after work 3-4 times a week. Saturdays and Sundays we cycled, mostly 60-80km from 3.5-5 hours. Tjaart drew up a training schedule which we loosely stuck to around our other commitments. The bike even went with me to the Grahamstown Festival, where I had fun exploring tracks and roads on the many surrounding hectic hills.

 

Spinning classes at the gym turned out to be essential to our preparations, pushing you past your VO2 max threshold preparing your muscles to cope with lactic acid buildup (which usually leads to cramping) and increasing strength and endurance. After our first long, slow road ride (120km) – our legs were finished and my bum hurt even worse.

 

Two weeks later, a group of us met up with Mike Glover, the owner of Red Cherry Adventures, who had entered a couple of teams for the race and had arranged a training ride through the Baviaans to give us some “real” experience. This was the first ride that Tjaart, Mike and I were doing together as a team. The objective was to do the distance at an easy pace and get to know some of the route… The difference here was, we were doing it over two days and not just one!

 

We still had a lot of preparation to do and now only had 4 weeks to race day.

 

According to schedule, the next Friday was a night ride to test our clothes and lights and to get some dirt road night time experience. After much deliberation I decided not to use the effective but heavy 12 volt creation with limited battery life, which I had made myself, but opted for the LED’s which were lightweight and use negligible power. We set off in horrendous weather and were fine doing 12km/h up an incline and even okay doing 23km/h on the flat, BUT, sufficient illumination takes on a whole new meaning when you’re going downhill at more than 40km/h! It’s an adrenalin rush, but also a bit freaky when your back wheel suddenly lurches violently sideways, and you don’t even see the rock that caused it. Lesson learnt: more training and investigation into warm clothing and lights was required!

 

The following Sunday was our looooooong ride including the never-ender (part of the route). Mike paid no attention to my warning of the steepness and took off down the mountain with glee – he’s such an animal! Tjaart was a bit more cautious. I was the slowest and clocked 68km/h. At the bottom Mike discovered his shocks were locked out – as I said, he’s an animal! Once again, our aching legs were happy to reach the end – still 104km short of the race distance.

 

Our training was coming along nicely, and we could’ve been ready in 2 months time… pity race day was in 2 weeks.

 

The next two weeks we tapered down training with some easier rides and we started sorting out

lighting and clothing and checked out the supplied race info.  There were 7 compulsory stops (6 with energy drink and food available) where we had to check in and out as a team. We were issued with 4 Pick ‘n Pay freezer bags for our team that refreshments, clothing, lights etc. could be packed. Each bag was marked and placed onto separate trucks, at the start point and dropped off at check points.

 

We had a final meeting to discuss strategy.

 

And then ready or not ….it was time. Five kilos lighter, I looked like a fit, lean racing snake!

 

Arrived in Willowmore on Friday, 17 August, went straight to registration to collect the team’s 106 checkpoint lanyard, bike race numbers, route/rules book etc. and our freezer bags. Next, we checked into our 4 bedded school hostel room, to pack and prepare cycling kit etc. The next hour or so was a jumble of sorting and carefully putting planned provisions into the correct bags. After the obligatory pasta meal which the local ladies served with Karoo hospitality, it was off to the hotel for more carbo-loading. Sitting quietly by the fire we were entertained by the boeremusik and locals. Then it was time for bed.

 

Catch Part 2 of Neill’s Trans Baviaans Story tomorrow!

GREAT PICS!

We have a treat for all our loyal readers today. A professional photography company, Silversphere Photography, has kindly submitted some awesome MTB pics for our readers to drool over. Enjoy!

 

All photos taken by: David Taylor

All photos copyrighted to David Taylor

You can contact Silversphere for almost all types of photography by emailing them at silversphere.photography@gmail.com or via their Facebook page.

Bandaged Jack